According to the latest Office for National Statistics (ONS) figures, the overall divorce rates are continuing to fall. There were 111,169 divorces in 2014, a decrease of 3.1% compared with 2013 and 27% lower than 2003. Compared with 2004 data, divorce rates were lower for all age groups except women aged 55 and over. As younger people look to have fewer problems in the first decade of marriage, ONS has attributed this to more couples cohabitating before marriage, suggesting that only stronger relationships and not problem relationships make it through to the wedding day.
But, those working at the front line say the apparent improvement should not obscure the increasing difficulty faced by couples looking to separate. Although the process of securing a divorce is relatively straightforward, the associated negotiating over finances and children is proving an increasing challenge.
Faced with the cuts to legal aid and higher Court fees (the cost of applying for a divorce increased from £410 to £550 in March 2016) and the difficulty in setting up two homes, many couples are turning to increasingly desperate measures.
For some, it involves continuing to live together, even when officially separated, or even post-divorce, including so-called ‘bird nesting’ arrangements, where the children stay in the family home and the parents come and go. Others turn to online help or untrained mediators, only to discover later that they may have agreed to financial or childcare outcomes that leave them at a significant disadvantage when professional advice and representation could have reached a fairer outcome.
Our own family lawyer, Pippa Marshall, said:
“Unfortunately the workload of the family lawyer is not reducing. Dealing with problems arising from self-conducted negotiations, or where negotiations have been managed by an untrained intermediary, is becoming more common.
DIY can seem a sensible option when trying to keep the lid on costs and people around you are saying the process is simple. Whilst it’s true that the application process itself is relatively straightforward, that’s only one small part, it is by no means fool-proof. If you get it wrong it could lead to paperwork being sent back, which could mean additional court fees.”
Pippa added:
“It’s tough sorting things out between the two of you when emotions are running high, but talking things through is always the best way and having someone help you with those conversations is a good idea. That person doesn’t have to be a professional, but you should have expert input at some stage in the negotiations, to make sure that what you have agreed is fair, that neither party is pushing the other into a corner, and that it is in line with what you could expect as a reasonable outcome if you had gone to court.”
Such encouragement for couples to talk reflects recent research findings in the United States. This suggests that couples who share their problems with each other are more likely to overcome difficulties than those who share problems with their friends. As reported in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, researchers found that sharing concerns with a friend increased the odds of a breakup by 33%, but talking it out with a partner doubled the chances of them staying together.
Further, Pippa added:
“Ending a marriage is one of the toughest things anyone will ever deal with, and what’s needed is a well-informed, collaborative approach. The couple, and anyone supporting or advising them, need to be focused on achieving an outcome through positive negotiation that is more talk, less war.”
Contact Pippa Marshall today for expert advice and guidance on problem relationships.
Note: This article is not legal advice; it provides information of general interest about current legal issues.